These are 6 reasons why staying married ‘for the kids’ is the biggest mistake you can make in parenting

The vision that many of us have in our heads is that two people would only ever decide to get married out of love for one another. But as we know, it doesn't work that way in the real world, and people can end up getting married for a variety of different reasons. It will probably not surprise anyone that the upcoming birth of a child is one of the most common reasons. Why is basing a marriage on such an event alone such a bad idea? - we will explain in this article.

Just look around or think about couples you know. At least one will definitely come to your mind that got married just for one single reason – A child. Why is such a decision one of the biggest mistakes you can make in life? There are several reasons. 

#1 Even the youngest children are very receptive 

Parents often underestimate children’s ability to perceive everything that is going on in the household. It is a huge difference to enter a home that is filled with sincere love and happiness, and a completely different energy resonates in the household of a family, which is together literally “against their will”. A child literally absorbs these feelings and moods and feels that something is wrong. Parents may think that by staying together ‘for the kids’ they are doing the best they can for their children, but in fact the opposite is true. 

#2 You can’t pretend to feel things 

No matter how hard they may try, even Oscar winners aren’t able to fake their feelings 24/7. Our heart knows just what we feel and this can’t be tricked. Not only your child but also everyone else will see that your relationship is not sincere. What is worse is that the older your child gets, the more embarrassed you will feel in spending your life pretending to have a healthy relationship. 

#3 You have to give your child a good example

As Yourtango also states, a huge problem with such relationships is that you are setting a very bad example for your child. The older they get, the more they realise that their parents lack the love they see in the parents of other children. The worst thing that can happen eventually is that they subconsciously copy such toxic patterns and are satisfied with relationships of the same nature in the future, which can lead to an unfulfilling life without the comfort of true happiness. 

#4 A child can blame themselves later for that

Yes, it is true that a 4 or 5-year-old child will not sit at the table with you wanting to have a serious conversation. However, when they are 15 or 16, they will probably do so and it is possible that they will have been bothered by self-blame for years. Children growing up in such a household often worry that they are the only ones keeping their parents together. Not only are they then afraid to leave the house for the sake of their own happiness, but they also blame themselves for being an obstacle to their parents' happiness. 

#5 They will feel uncomfortable in the presence of other children’s parents

When your child reaches the age when friends invite them over, they will naturally get to know their parents. If they come across those who love each other truly sincerely and even after years, they may feel uncomfortable or even ashamed and will not understand why they do not have such a loving family at home. 

#6 A child needs to see the expressions of love

A hug, a kiss or stroking hair – these are all things that naturally belong to life and should be a matter of course among partners. But if you are in an unhappy relationship and these expressions of love are absent, your child will not encounter them during childhood. It may happen that they will be foreign or unnatural to them, and they will not be able to pass them on even later, in their romantic relationships.