Key takeaways

• Regular sleep is essential for children’s wellbeing
• Consistent, calming bedtime routines help achieve regular sleep more easily.
• Reading or listening in a comfortable, quiet and dimly-lit environment can encourage healthy sleep.‍

Children’s sleep needs vary, but what shouldn’t vary is their bedtime! Falling asleep and waking up at the same time each day supports children’s mental and physical health. Bedtime routines involving regular, calming activities can help prepare your child for sleep, ensuring they are ready and able to fall asleep when they need to. In this article we look at why a regular bedtime routine matters and how you can set one up that works for you and your child. 

No tears at bedtime? Here’s how! 

We’ve all seen children having meltdowns at bedtime because they don’t want to go to sleep. It’s a scene that pops up often enough in books and films, too. We can see they’re tired – so what’s going on? Why can’t they understand that they need to go to sleep?

It’s no coincidence that bedtime meltdowns happen more when children get out of schedule –  they’ve had a long journey home, been out to a party or had friends over, and everything’s got a bit late. Or maybe this morning something woke them up extra early and they missed out on some vital sleep time.

Experts agree that the single best way to avoid bedtime meltdowns and promote healthy sleep in children of all ages is to stick to a consistent and carefully planned bedtime routine!

What is a bedtime routine?

A bedtime routine involves a combination of activities that are planned out to ensure your child finds it easy to fall asleep at a regular time that enables them to get enough hours of high quality sleep.

The activities that make up a bedtime routine should ensure your child can process the experiences and emotions of the past day, calm down, and adjust their hormones ready for sleep. Clinical child psychologist and pediatric sleep expert Dr Reut Gruber says that it’s a good idea to plan the routine so that the activities are increasingly calming – for example, brushing teeth first and reading a gentle story just before going to sleep. 

A regular bedtime routine can also help you to manage your child’s expectations, reducing the chances of parent-child conflicts in the evening.

How much sleep do children really need?

Every child is different, but sleep studies have shown that on average, children need between 8 and 13 hours of sleep each day, with the amount they need reducing gradually as they get older. 

We’ve take a closer look at the science on sleep duration in our Readmio blog article on children’s sleep needs, from which these are the key recommendations:

• 3- to 5-year-olds: 10 to 13 hours of sleep
• 6- to 13-year-olds: 9 to 11 hours of sleep

That means that a 4-year-old who wakes at 7am and has a 1 hour nap in the afternoon should go to sleep between 7 and 9pm. 

A 5-year-old who wakes naturally at 6am and does not have a nap in the afternoon should go to sleep between 5 and 8pm. 

A 7-year-old who needs to get up at 6.30am to make it to school on time should go to sleep between 7.30 and 9.30pm. Dr Gruber recommends that school-aged children should go to sleep no later than 9pm.

Don’t forget that most children won’t be able to fall asleep instantly – so it’s a good idea to plan a routine that can help them calm down and get into their bed at least 20–30 minutes before they actually need to fall asleep.

Do children really need fixed bedtimes? Even at the weekend?

It is really important to ensure your child gets the right amount of sleep every night, not just most nights. Irregular sleep patterns – such as “sleeping in” at the weekend to make up for shorter nights during the week – confuse children’s bodies, disturbing their circadian rhythm and making it even harder for them to fall asleep and wake up when they need to.

What’s more, irregular sleep can affect the body in other ways. Sleep is crucial for memory storage and for physical and mental health – including metabolism, hormonal balance, and mood regulation. Without sufficient, regular sleep, your child’s body won’t function so well and your child may even start to struggle at school. 

According to scientists from the Douglas Research Centre, just one night of insufficient sleep can weaken the immune system and increase the risk of falling ill.

A smooth ride to the land of nod

Here are our top tips for establishing a regular bedtime routine that works for you and your child:‍

Helping your child to calm down

First and foremost, your child’s bedtime routine should help them process the stresses and excitements of their day and calm down ready for sleep. For that, it’s important not to include activities that would add to their stress and excitement in the bedtime routine itself – homework, strenuous exercise, games that involve running, jumping or shouting, should all be finished well in advance and shouldn’t be part of a bedtime routine. 

The same goes for screen time. Readmio user Sara told me it made a huge difference to her kids bedtime routine when they made a “no TV after dinner” rule:

“My three-year-old was always asking to watch an episode of her favourite programme before she went to brush her teeth, and we usually agreed – she was too tired to play alone and it gave us time to load the dishwasher. But afterwards she would always make a fuss and not want to go to bed calmly. We decided to keep the TV off in the evenings, and since then she has gone to her bed much more happily and doesn’t protest any more about brushing her teeth”. 

Choosing bedtime activities

So which activities should be part of a calming bedtime routine? 

A warm bath can be a good way to start, and since this gets your child away from daytime distractions and into a different space, it works well for signalling to your child that bedtime is coming. 

After that, focus on cosy, quiet activities in a comfortable place – ideally, in your child’s bedroom – and away from other distractions.  Here are some of the calming activities that experts from the Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital suggest could work in the run-up to bedtime:

• Listening to relaxing music
• Reading
• Listening to audio books
• Lego or jigsaws
• Colouring/drawing
• Play dough or slime play
• Sewing/cross stitch
• Dot to dot or puzzle books
• Board games
• Sensory box or other sensory activities, like blowing bubbles.
• Guided relaxation
• Massage

We also asked child psychologist Jane Draber for her relaxation tips – you can read her advice in our article about how to help children relax. 

While older children from the age of 6 and up can be encouraged to read to themselves, write or draw in a journal, or work on a puzzle or craft activity independently, preschoolers and younger children will often need more parental interaction during this part of their bedtime routine. In any case, though, the activities you choose need to be slow-paced and quiet. 

It’s also important to limit exposure to bright light while preparing to sleep: at least the last half-hour of your bedtime routine should take place in a dimly-lit space. Good ideas for this time are listening to a story, talking to a parent, or listening to music.

Readmio has something to offer for everyone at bedtime: reading with a parent, reading alone or listening to audio books. And don’t forget that our story discussion topics and quiz questions encourage parent-child chats that can help children process the emotions and stimuli they’ve encountered during their day. We also have a special topic category for calming stories that are especially suited to bedtime. 

Regularity and independence

Bedtime can be easier when your child knows what to expect – that means keeping things consistent, and allowing your child to move through the routine without relying on your instructions. For that – and especially for preschool age children – it can help to make a bedtime routine chart, with visual aids to prompt children about the next activity.

You can also try a checklist for your child to refer to, a sticker chart for “completed” bedtime steps, or consider using a daily routine app to help prompt your child to follow his/her routine. 

Think about the space

We’ve mentioned the importance of removing screens and bright lights before bedtime, but it’s worth taking a closer look at the space where your child is as they calm down and prepare to sleep. You’ll find some of our top tips in this Readmio blog article on establishing a comfortable sleeping environment. 

Children who feel safe and secure find it far easier to fall asleep and wake less during the night. Make sure the temperature is right – neither too hot, nor too cold: the NHS recommends a bedroom temperature of between 16 and 20ºC. The room needs to be quiet and if your child is liable to feel scared or anxious, try to remove anything that casts a strange shadow. 

Make sure your child has a comfortable mattress, pillow and cover that offers sufficient warmth and support. 

Last but not least, consider the light: think about the curtains, any street lamps that might shine into the room at night, any devices that glow while on standby, how much sunlight enters the room in the morning, and whether your child might benefit from a night light, a night clock or a daylight-simulating wake-up clock.

Reinforcing positive sleep habits

When bedtime goes smoothly and your child gets a good night’s sleep, be sure to let them know they’re on the right track! A sticker chart can help with that! Award the stickers and any rewards when your child wakes up in the morning, and remind them in the evening before they begin their bedtime routine again.  

Common challenges and how to avoid them

The most obvious hurdle to a smooth bedtime is when your child is feeling anxious or scared. It can be tempting for parents or caregivers to dismiss bedtime fears as delaying tactics, but many children are genuinely worried about sleep or frightened by something they’ve seen or heard. Reassuring them that they are safe is a first step, but it’s also a good idea to work out what it is that is causing their worries, and try to tackle the root cause. If they’re scared by something they’ve watched or read, try to reduce screen time and steer them towards reading calmer stories. If it’s the darkness bothering them, consider a nightlight. If it’s shadows, making the room darker could help. 

Children often find it hard to settle, or wake more frequently, if they need to go to the toilet. So don’t forget to include a trip to the toilet as late as possible in the bedtime routine to maximise bladder comfort! 

An overactive child might also need more exercise earlier in the day – exercise close to bedtime can make it harder to settle, but if your child lacks physical activity during the day, they might not be tired enough to sleep. So make sure your child gets active and out in the fresh air during the day. 

Other mistakes to avoid include eating too close to bedtime – experts suggest there should always be at least an hour between food and bed. And don’t forget that sugar is a stimulant – definitely avoid sugary foods in the evening! If your child is hungry close to bedtime, consider offering a glass of milk, a yogurt, or a protein-rich savoury snack. It’s not a good idea to give your child chocolate or drinks that contain caffeine, especially at bedtime.

Watch out, too, for any stress associated with bedtime. This can include stressful activities just before bed (homework and other chores should be finished at least an hour before your child goes to bed), but also arguments between family members, use of your child’s bedroom as a location for “time out” punishments, or if a parent is feeling rushed and stressed about getting the child to sleep. Any stress that affects your child just before bedtime or in their sleeping space could make it harder for him/her to fall asleep. 

Parents often find that the evening is the only time they have to address any concerns they have about their children’s wellbeing or behaviour, but bringing these issues up just before bed can make it harder for children to sleep. Set aside some time earlier in the day, or at the weekend, to talk through any issues. 

Handling resistance

If you’ve done everything you can think of, and your child is still resistant and doesn’t want to go to bed, what can you do? Getting angry never helps to get a child to sleep faster! 

We talked to Chris, a dad to three energetic boys, and he recommended trying to keep bedtimes as consistent as you can:

“You might think that letting up once in a while and allowing the children to stay up to watch an extra episode of their favourite series, or play a game with visitors, doesn’t do much harm, but we have the greatest difficulties persuading our boys to go to bed in the days after we’ve made an exception. So I’d say keep bedtime consistent, and be firm about following the regular routine.”

Kayla, mum to eight year old twins, added:

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“Make sure the house is quiet while the children are going to sleep. If they suspect there’s any kind of fun to be had by staying up, they’ll take way longer to settle!”

Don’t forget to reassess and adjust

Like every aspect of parenting, bedtime routine is one that will need to be adjusted as your child grows and develops. Your 11-year-old won’t have the same needs as your 5-year-old. Your child’s daytime activities are bound to change, their stress levels from schoolwork and relationships may vary, and other factors can also affect their sleep. Don’t be afraid to make adjustments to the timing or sequence of your child’s bedtime routine whenever you feel your child could be settling better! 

Don’t forget that in the Readmio app you can filter stories not only by topic but also by your child’s age and by their length – so you can always find something to fit your child’s current needs and preferences.

Conclusion: build a routine that lasts

The time and energy you put into setting up a routine that respects your child’s needs and communicates clear expectations, and to keeping an eye out for any changes needed over time, will absolutely pay off. A carefully planned, consistent bedtime routine will lead to calmer, happier bedtimes and more regular sleep for your little one, and you might well see improvements to your child’s wellbeing during the daytime too!